It’s the kind of paragraph that should stop me in my tracks. A paragraph to fire up the alarm bells. Do I really want to risk my life? But instead my eyes flash over the contents, ignoring words like ‘crash’ and ‘maim’, before settling on something far more interesting – the large logo at the top. A logo that says, simply, Lotus. I sign. And then I smile like a schoolboy.
Since the 1950s Lotus has been one of the world’s great sports car manufacturers, winning seven Formula One championships and creating classic two seaters such as the Elan, the Esprit and the car I’ve just signed up to drive around Sepang International Circuit: The Lotus Elise.
Clearly, death or not, today is going to be a good day. “The plan for this Lotus ride and drive experience,” event organiser Edward Tan Yu Tho tells our assorted gang, “is for you to be able to see what it’s like to be on a circuit at speed, to feel the way the car handles around corners, and probably to scare yourselves a little when you get to have a go. It’ll be fun.”
For RM1,500 a head, the experience delivers exactly what Edward promises. First there will be three laps with a professional driver, followed by three laps with a rubbish driver. Or to put it another way, three laps with us happy amateurs at the wheel.
A man who the track better than most is professional racing driver Denis Lian. Considered to be the fastest driver in Singapore (he even represented the country in the international A1 Grand Prix series) he’s also the chap who’s going to show us how it’s done before we take to the wheel ourselves.
“I think it’s a great circuit,” the 36-year-old says with a grin. “It was the world’s first super-circuit and it has a great blend between technical corners and more flowing sections. I definitely prefer it to circuits like Shanghai and Dubai.”
He’s not wrong. The 5.54km course is considered exemplary by most top-level drivers, even if the heat of the Sepang area – which is located about 50 minutes away from the centre of KL, almost next door to the international airport – can make for almost unbearable conditions inside the car.
I grab the communal helmet (now unglamorously moist inside from the sweaty brows of our other drivers) and strap it on before folding myself into the exceptionally low Lotus with more dignity than I was expecting. The first job is to try to get my limbs into a proper racing position.
“Your left leg should reach the clutch without locking up at the knee when you push the clutch in,” says Denis, pointing at my feet. “Then your wrist should be able to touch the steering wheel at 12 o’clock without your shoulder blade touching the back of the seat.”
A couple of small adjustments and I’m ready to go. A member of the Lotus crew gives me the signal to get moving and I smile back blankly. He signals again, with a bit more vigour and I keep smiling – motionless. It seems that in this moment of pressure, this moment where I’m intending to go out on track and set a lap time that will leave others gasping, I may have inadvertently forgotten which pedal provides the gas.
Denis politely talks to me like I’m having my first driving lesson. “Okaaaaay, just, erm, give the pedal on the right a little push”. I do my best at a nonchalant laugh, as if I knew all along, and we’re away.
I’d love to say that after that early upset I didn’t look back, but I was awful. Everything just seems to happen so fast when you’re on a circuit. As we hurtle towards corners I hit the brakes as I should, but I concentrate so hard on that I entirely forget to change gear, leaving us cruising round the bend as if we’ve popped out to pick up some groceries.
Then the final indignity occurs. As we head into a slow corner I spin – a full 360, leaving me looking back up the track. “Don’t panic,” says Denis telling me to hold tight until the startled car behind passes us. “It was a slow corner so I let you lose it, just for fun.” It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but I just can’t get the basics right under pressure.
Denis maintains an upbeat and positive tone. It would be so easy for him to show off or to say something snide about my abilities, but he doesn’t. He keeps smiling and offering friendly tips right around the circuit. He obviously loves motorsport and I think he just wants me to come away having loved the day too.
In that regard he succeeds utterly. I may have been a bit humbled by how inept I was, but hand me another yellow indemnity form and I’d sign up to do it again in a shot. Although I’d maybe try and keep the car facing in the right direction in future.
Richard Ryan is a professional journalist who has worked in the UK, Malaysia and Australia. For more information visit http://www.richardryan.co.uk